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[May 01, 2006 @ 11:34pm] |
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stay - lisa loeb |
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hey there :] today sorta sucked. lunch was enjoyable with my girlfriend jordan litterally attached too my side. hah. monday was it's usual boring-ness. pretty much hated it as always. ahh there is only like 20ishh days left of school then goodbye too all my friends & hello too a new beginning. new friends, new boyfriends, new life. i still want too keep in touch with everyone though because i dont think i'd be able too live without them, but i'm sorta excited to be able to start fresh once again. like when i came too dehtms ; i didnt no one person, not a single person and i made soo many friends and people i wont ever forget. and too everyone's surprise i didnt even know sara before starting which was pretty odd since we practically are next door neighbor's ha. well anyways tonight was annoying and i didnt like it. now i'm watching this show on the food channel $40 dollar's a day. i'm not sure if any of you heard of it but it's this great show when the lady rachel ray goes on vacations and eat's all of her meals for $40 a day or less. which is pretty neat because i love to travel & also save money. haha. well anyways i ate tonight like a pig. i got home and ate popcorn, prezels & doriotos. then once my mommy came home i got my favorite meal nathans :] haha my unhealthy obsession. it consisted of 2 delious hotdogs & fries. yummmm. then just about now i heated upp 4 chicken nuggets ; which was clearly a mistake because i shouldnt eat this late at night. jeez. well too end this unusually long entry i'd like too add that i'm going too the vans warped tour most likely on june 24th ! i really hope i go because it's like 20 or something bands ! and i love them sooo much ! i cant even wait :] well goodbye loves & leave me a comment or something ♥
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[April 25, 2006 @ 10:02pm] |
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cold but i'm still here -- evans blue |
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hello love ; today was an enjoyable day. school fun in its own right. then daddy picked me up. following us picking up bailey boy. then we ate out for dinner ! after we went to bailey boy's basketball game. yay he won ! hah. then dad, me & bailey boy went food shopping. i'm really excited because this summer i might be going with sarah borges to brasil for a month & a half. that would be so fun if i go ! well then i got home. learned bad news that i'm terribly hoping to be a lie. =/ and i'm excited for this weekend. on sunday i am going to make $50 dollar's yay ! i can really use the money. well anyway good bye. because i'm bored with this & have nothing left too say. goodbye for now.
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[April 23, 2006 @ 6:04pm] |
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the word best friend become redefined - chiodos |
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hello this weekend was amazing and very complete. i'm just feeling so happy & so great. and i learn some news i wish i never heard. i regret it ! i wish i could turn back time so badly. but everyone reading i'm done with this stupid crap. it's not worth my time or yours having to read/listen to it. it's just so dumb. i cant believe i let myself get so stupid. well you wanna know what ? whatever fuck love ; dumb friends ; school ; drugs ; & everything else not worth while. i'm finished & for good. i dont want to ever go through anything like this again. i'm never going to look at guys the same way. i dont ever want to fall inlove. i mean everyone has there dream ; he was mine. but that's all over now. and i never want to think about guy's the same way. even though i know i'll probably will but i'm not going to go about it the same at all. that i am done with.
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[April 17, 2006 @ 10:27pm] |
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collie man -- slightly stoopid |
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hii there, today kinda was okay. my brave self cut my hair pretty darn short :] and it came out looking pretty nice. i used to be sad about school ending but now i really can't wait for school too end & for me too begin " a new chapter of my life " High School ; lol. i mean it's exciting and all but the way teachers are like ' IN HIGHSCHOOL THIS WOULDNT WORK & LIKE IN HIGHSCHOOL THEY WOULDNT EVER PUT UP WITH THIS. ' wow i doubt its gonna be like 100 times stricker, and if it is i doubt i will change :] hah. so anyways myspace is being gay again jeez, its really starting to bother me. soo after school we went too the J - havent been there in like 3 months ; it was okay lol. then sara's mom took me home. i relaxed for a while and then my mom came home stressing me too go out too dinner with her. now here is our conflict she wanted chicken which i am absolutly sick of and i wan italian. can anyone guess who got there way again ? hmmm *me* haha. like always. then i got home and finished up over due highschool forms, if anyones wondering i'm going to park vista ; PV - so i talked on the phone with the bestfriend sarah borges for a while. and now i'm watching my favorite show ever ; roseanne, pretty nice i guess you can say. i still feel quite heart broken, and i'm not sure when this feeling will fo away, and as you can see in my mood i'm still feeling pretty crushed :[ well i'll go now. leave me some comments beautiful.
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[April 12, 2006 @ 9:45pm] |
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let's get married -- archie star |
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hi havent updated latley but i havent really seen a reason too. i'm eating popcorn & i got back from passover dinner about an hour ago. it was soo yummy. :] school's ending soon & i'm sorta glad to get a fresh start. everyday is a test - at least that's the way i look at it now. having a heart thats hurt isnt easy but yet its also comfarting. i like it in a messed upp kind of way. leave me a comment :] i'd like that. lol.
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[March 25, 2006 @ 12:29pm] |
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youth -- matisyahu |
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look at this awesome poem i wrote :] i love it !!
pain doesnt hurt as bad
because now i dont need too worry
and in someways i feel glad
since you cant make love in sucha hurry
even though i cared so much
the pain didnt feel like i thought
maybe its cause i put you in a rush
but out of all the things you taught
i'll never forget your kindness
before you i think i was unaware
back when i was full of happiness
and when i thought people really cared
now i know life doesnt even have hope
kind of ironic because i hoped for you,
and now i'm hopless knowing you didnt hope too.
tell me what you guyss think ?!
also for everyone i'm doing MUCH better ! i actually feel HAPPY :] - now i know there is such a thing as miricales ! i actually trust myself. and i know now things that have taken me since like november too finally relieze. finally i'm not going downhill but i'm soaring up & i couldn't love it more ♥ I LOVE LIFE ! there's still things i'm unhappy / unsatisfied with, but over time i can fix them :] i'm just glad all the big time important stuff ; has been worked out !! lol
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[March 23, 2006 @ 5:48pm] |
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coming undone -- korn |
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why should you ever have hope ? live's already enough a mess how or why do you think it's ever gonna improve. i've learned that hope is just bullshit because than you think your gonna get something that isnt ever coming to you. but now that i've understood this whole thing. life's just this blurr, fading away - and the thing that scares me is that i kinda want it to just completly fade away until i'm not anything anymore. then at least people won't have something to complain about too me. and i won't have too listen too how many things are wrong with me and how i need to change. its like they say be thankful for all the things you have, but really what is so great that i have ? because now that i learned so much, i'd really like too know. life's just like a wheel spinning, one day it's gonna stop and maybe my wheel's been spinning to long. what in life am i even supposed to be happy about ? i'm not happy or thankful about anything. i want to live alone and never have too deal with anyone, ever. because happiness for me would be just that.
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[March 21, 2006 @ 3:36pm] |
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this love - pantera |
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it's spring break and i'm glad :] i'm having this great time but in the back of my mind there's always this thing and i swear one day later maybe even somewhat now i'm going too regret this. it's like almost 4 and i'm really bored. i'm going too go out for dinner tonight i am pretty sure and i'm very excited too go to the hard rock semionle casino tomorrow with sara in hollywood or whatever. it's gonna be good and not like a bad experience cough*ritz carlton*cough lmao. well anyways, i really feel like i'm missing this very important but also very unimportant person who's sorta kinda not really in my life but just for katie and jordan, i'm going to forget or try to forget this horrible feeling. because yes, love is horrible. i mean the part when it starts, that parts incredible :] like nothing i have ever experienced before but the way my hearts been shattered broken into a million pieces the feelings arent as good anymore. i mean i truley miss every last second of it! but do i really want it back? i'm not exactly sure. i think i've learned and changed alot ever since this whole "love" thing happened. but i'm sure now. this whole bullshit fucked up crying fest wasnt love. it wasnt really anything at all. but a lesson to be learned from. not one of those dumbass things you learn in algebra. but a true useful life lesson. just writing some of these hatful thoughts down on paper [ or somewhat paper ] makes me feel a whole whole lot better. just being able to express how i feel on such a rational way, yet such an unrational way - it's better than anything i've ever used or done. right about now i'm watching the girl next door. i love this funny it's so funny. and too end this journal entry on an insane note - i still like him ; not as much but the feelings are still here. and they arent ever gonna go away. not until i do something / change this. i miss you ♥
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[February 27, 2006 @ 11:56pm] |
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knife called lust -- hollywood undead |
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ok so i feel like i did something wrong when i know i didnt. i feel like i let you down. but i didnt do anything. for some reason i sence that your mad, but your not. and i relieze things starting to change, because i took the next step. so i must be the one to get there heart broken. how come it never ends up this way for the others. why must you keep on turning away - when really we are both begging to be so close.
true stuff right there :[
wanna see a excellent poem i wrote ? here you go -
maybe one day the things will change
when normal isnt real
and happiness never reaches its range
until we can explain how we feel
good friends we have come across
the times went by so fast
without them we'd be truley lost
but when we look back to the past
i relize i forgot so many before
when we were much smaller
and friends meant more
then we valued a dollar
backstabbing never occured
and the goodtimes never quit
now that i relieze the truth
i dont give a shit.
i'm inlove with that poem - it came from my heart and no place else :]
dont steal or i'll kill you stupido !
anyways ; a little while ago i did so many things. confuessing how i feel. getting so close but staying at sucha far. im at a pretty emotional state right now. i cant take this anymore.
what should i do ?! whats the next step ? how should i complete this " time line of love " what is there too do / say / take action upon when i cant find anytime ? i'm really just busy crying on and on.
fcat was today [ first day ] and it so sucked.
i am deffinatley not looking forward for the math
fcat. that will truley suck
♥
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[February 16, 2006 @ 11:08pm] |
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The Transition -- Hawthorne Heights |
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somtimes things just strike you so incredible.
its like you thought everyone understands you.
but in the end you have no one but yourself.
so why waste your time beating yourself up for having flaws ?
you should waste it attempting to be flawless.
because the more you hate yourself, its less of a possiblity.
people who love themselves are loved
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[February 07, 2006 @ 11:41pm] |
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mix of depression / rejection |
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walk alone -- jack johnson |
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im alone in a corner, walls surround me . im foreced too make a choice . thats the metaphor representing my life . always second guessing myself . missunderstood notions . big woop . there are people dieing, living to die, fighting too live . and im contimplating over this bullshit ? there isnt anything right about the whole situation . last week was amazing . so far, not too much this week . oh & about last week 2 bad events [ horrid infact ] happened . yet too the 0 amount of people who read this, no it doesnt concern you & if i like you you probably know what im speaking of. well im blasting my emo music . revealing my soul . bassically the daily rutine . waiting for a call . maybe a poem too write . i wrote a depressive one aboutt death . ( no you cant see it ) . anyways . dont leave bull shit comments analzying me and telling me telling me anything i dont already know ? my life has some fuck ups in it . end of story . the end . peace nigga . bye
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[January 30, 2006 @ 7:51pm] |
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weed is life -- long beach dub allstars |
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i feel like my life has become such an empty page .. i noticed i have been changing & i dont like it .. i know its stupid too question yourself all the time but now i doo .. and i know your supposed too trust yourself & not be affraid too say or talk about things you believe in .. but now it feels like im being all these things i didnt wanna be.. and i dont know how to stopp it ...
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[January 22, 2006 @ 11:10pm] |
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Walking With A Ghost -- Tegan and Sara |
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I LOST MY CHANCE =[ !!!!!
even though everyone tells me hess not worth it. my heart tells me he is. and now i lost yet another great chancee =[ damn !! GOSHHHHHHHHHH
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[January 16, 2006 @ 4:55pm] |
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Shimmy Shimmy Quater Turn -- Hellogoodbye |
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soo this entry is about yesterday -- 1-15-06 AKA best fucking day ever !! soo like me and sara went too sarah b.`s housse too chill with a whole lot of people and then after a little bit we went too wendy`s and we saw this guy who looked like spongebobs grandma & this bitch lady was looking at us wrong soo we started yelling shit at her in the parking lot & then she got her husband too yell at us. then we got kicked out of wendy`s. then the cops came and we thought it was for us . then at publix when we found the others i saw the manager and i was like omgsh member me we used to be bestfriends on the swing set or something & he was like you need medication and then me sarah b. & sara stole this thing from publix this giant pushing cage thing and we pushed it soo far but we kept thinking the cops were chasing us soo we hided inside the bushes & then sarah had too pee in them ! and then when we got too her house we had this gang bang ! then i did sarah up the butt ! but she was freaking out soo she pushed me & sara & her on topp of stefi & emmann !! and then we broke the light 2 times !! even though we were in the dark ! and then much later @ like 1 o`clock sara got her dream too go to denny`s at night soo sarah . me & sara snuck out and her older brother drove us there . and these people gave me nasty ass fries & told me i`m cracked out . and then our gay waiter toold sara shes exocitc cause she was from brasil =] and he looked like mr. green . and then we saw ms. janes look alike but she said she was ms. janes but she wasnt . then the old lady manager took a picture with us and tried too press charges on the people who told us we need jenny craig & help with our teen drinking & sarah started too cry about her gay bf !! hahaha lmao .. and at night time we all had a gang bang again !! THAT DAY WAS THE BEST BY FAR !!! THERES MORE THiNGS BUT i CANT FiT / SAY iT ALL !! iLY BFFL GUYSSS
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[January 11, 2006 @ 10:38pm] |
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Screaming Infedelities -- Dashboard Confessional |
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yay i gott into mr. stansells class with all my buddiess !! but idk i hate my life !! dillion or w.e omg shess really getting me annoyed and i dont care whos gonna read this journall cause this is whatss going on lmao .. i feel like this : why do i have too be too nice ? why doo i have too even bother when everyone treats me like a piece of shit always bitching me out always starting shit & im called the one who causes drama . well you wanna know what ? im done i hate everything about my life everyday its something new . i cant do this anymore . why should i be so nice to everyone & this is the way god repays me .. yeahh i know some deep shit because people get mad at me for like no reason [mini] & i dont talk shit soo whatever ! i am so fucking messed up right now ! & i cant stand anything ! its all the wrong way . but thank god for poeams beacause they have helped me alot latley . whatever. i have cried alot latley & im jsut tired of it all . i cant wait till my mom sets me up with my thearpist because no one can help me as my mom says 'im beyond help' yeahh i do have a really mean mom who is really negative towards me which makes all worse . i cant wait too move in with my dad . =] its gonna be normal again . thank god !! and i am eating like a pigg ! hate being fat !! ugghhhh !!! whatever . no ones gonna comment . i dont caree. i hate life . what ever fag.
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[January 10, 2006 @ 11:27pm] |
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Sweet Honey -- Slighty Stoopid |
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hello my friends today was a regular day in my life =] just a 'little' drama . haha i cantt waitt till saturday !! me + sarah b. + sura + stefi + mini = rape date !! yay !! stick much of a confussion on if i like my special someone or not =[ whattevverrr . i hate my 4th period it like sucks ! i feel soo left out of the whole group they are all like bff & im just there . idk whatever . my butt itchessssss mann . okayy whateverr byee <3
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[January 03, 2006 @ 11:26pm] |
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save me -- shinedown |
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wow today wasnt too interesting but reallly no one ever reeadds or comments this soo who cares ? i sleept in a perk of having winter break then sat on my ass the whole dayy on myspace & aim . yeahh interesting life righht ?? & then i ate dinner talked to my lovvee ; shelby & katie . umm what else . yeahh i am going too disney tomorow morning & i wont be back till sunday nightt ;] yay . am i too young for that place ? i hope not because thats were ill be for the next 5 whole days ;] then back too school !!! and i decieded too change my layout for the first time since the willy wonka one lmao . now i have this cool motion city sound track ! i wishh it was the future freaks me out . but its everything is alright . i like that song . but the future freaks me out is the shit & its my ring tone lmao . well any way no one ever comments me ;[ soo maybe while im gonne someone can surprise me with a comment & make me happy . okayy ? byee & i love you very much my friends ;]
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[January 01, 2006 @ 11:48am] |
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Burning Bright -- Shinedown |
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THiS iS H0W i FEEL AB0UT LiFE iN A METAPH0R [ ABOUT HiM <3 ] im so like ughh right now its like i dont know where too turn & what too doo & it feels like im standing at a fork in the road & i cant decied which way to go & i just wait for somehting to happen & its like i get hit by this truck ([ being him ]) but it didnt hurt its liek an undescribable feeling & its like should i take the offer & follow the truck or should i go the other way and find someone else too follow & i know it sounds cheesy but thats how i feel doo you get it ??
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[December 23, 2005 @ 12:18pm] |
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The District Sleeps Alone Tonight -- The Postal Service |
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okayy soo today is the first day of winter break & im so glad ;] . lol yesterday was so amazing ! i finally did something i had needed to do . but most dont know what it is [katie & jordan doo hehe] well anyways i had the best time at shelbys house ! with sura ! then sara & me went back to her house ! it was soo fun ! we went to target ! and then we took pictures of me flying high !! hahah !! =] and then this guy asked me for my number & i gave him turi`s . & we follwed this guy aroud the store & told him he was on boiling points ! haha . we also talked to this really funny guy and told him we goo to club boca with him & hes like yo yo checking out suras @$$ [lmao] and we ran out YELIING RAPE RAPE !! then we walked in and we are like hello sir ! and hes like who was bothering you in here ? and we were like what are you talking about we were never here before . and then i told him i lost my phone inside my purse [even though i didnt] and i said to call it and he did but i said turi`s digits ! and he was like hello ? and i was like SOMEONE PICKED UP ?? HE STOLE MY PHONE !! WHAT THE HAIL !! and then we left . and that was my lovley time . today i shall doing nothing besides maybe the mall . well leave a comment booiii !! i love him ;]
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[December 17, 2005 @ 8:38pm] |
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Camisdo -- PANIC! at the disco |
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wow today was so fun =]
i needed the little time alone.
and i saw some old friends
that i forgot about. i got what
i needed & thought about things
and i know what im gonna say
next . and i know whats gonna
happen . it feels great being in
total control . haha byee bitches
ps -- im really really happy !!!
[ no one knows why ]
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rebecca_owns's journal
